Family Life

You’d think I’d be relieved it was Friday evening. Finally, the work week is over. It’s been a long, busy and difficult week. Time to relax and rest, right? I wish.

I brought home all work’s cares, worries and frustrations. I expect I’ll hold on to them all weekend. I dread going into work every morning for more punishment, but I likewise dread going into the weekend where the slower pace gives my mind time to churn over all the dreck I’ve accumulated throughout the week. I need that slower pace to rest physically, to actually get some sleep. I just don’t know how to get rest for my mind. I can lie my body down, but I can’t turn my brain off.

It didn’t used to be like that. Work was something I left behind at the office every afternoon. I’d switched mental gears by the time I got home. Now I’m dragging the whole sordid mess around with me everywhere I go.

I took this picture in the spring. The trees didn’t have their leaves yet. It was cold. It was foggy. But I knew the leaves would come in time. The sun was starting to shine through and burn the fog away. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. I enjoyed taking that picture. It was a good day.

In a metaphorical sense I wish I could see past the fog, the cold and the bare branches right now. I know the sun will come, eventually. I know the branches will bud, eventually. I know it’ll get warmer. Eventually. It has to, right? Otherwise the future is just too bleak. So I cling to hope. It’s a slim hope, skimming thoughts but not going as deep as emotions. It’s all I have.

Debbie is good to me. Kind. Gentle. Patient. Relaxed. The boys are enthusiastic and entertaining and affectionate, and they keep my mind off myself. I have a wonderful family, and I feel sad that I’m walled off from enjoying their company. I feel badly that I’m not giving them the attention they deserve. We’ll get through this, somehow. But it’s a hard road.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 10th, 2007 at 11:34 pm. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. Both comments and pings are currently closed.