Family Life

Concerned as I am about giving a right spiritual response to day-to-day difficulties, what really occupies my thoughts is fear of failure. Failure to meet deadlines. Failure to do a good job, to make a mistake, to look stupid. Failure to win at office politics and become an outcast. Failure to properly parent my children so they end up as homicidal maniacs, or worse: unmoved by the things of God, uncaring. Failure to worship as I should, drifting away from God’s family.

When everything is going well one or two setbacks hardly make a dent. You shrug them off and go on from strength to strength. But there’s a tipping point somewhere, and once you’ve tilted over the edge everything is a setback. When everything is doom and gloom, the dark, menacing clouds are ever present and the silver linings get overlooked. I notice this especially in the way I interpret comments people make about me or about something I’ve done. Normally I’d automatically view what everyone said in the most favourable, best possible light. Very little would offend me. Now I have to put real effort into not taking offense at virtually everything some people say. I know that 99% of the time the comments are innocent, innocuous, and yet I read between the lines and see ulterior motives, schemes against me.

I’m starting to sympathize with King Saul. Although David was there to serve the king with the best of intentions, Saul believed David was out to get him. The Bible says it was because “an evil spirit from the Lord tormented him.” I shudder to think I’d be in the same situation, and at the same time feel for the king and the bleak outlook he was facing.

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